Heather and I have been asked to participate in our Stake's youth conference this year as "parents" (i.e., we'd be assigned to shepherd 12 kids through the experience). Yesterday we had a meeting about the whole affair, complete with to-the-minute itinerary and a long list of rules and regulations. Afterwards we both had headaches (mine ended up as a migraine), and while talking realized that neither of us would have attended anything like this when we were "youth" (the target age group here is 14-17). I spent a good part of my summers hiding from overzealous youth leaders and friends who tried to cajole me into attending these sorts of things. Here's why I ran away; from the looks of this one it's similarly threatening:
1.) Way too many rules, none of which actually have to do with developing or maintaining spirituality. For instance, the girls can't wear two-piece swimsuits, and the leaders are so bent on this that they're planning on taking a bunch of one-piece suits so those who violate the rule will have an option to wear something else. Heather doesn't even own a one-piece suit, and aside from the creepiness of having male adult leaders determining whether or not your swimsuit is appropriate, a person's spiritual well-being (and that of their neighbors) has little to do with what sort of swimwear you like. I can see it already; some poor recent convert girl (or someone who's been a member but has enlightened parents) is going to show up with a two-piece (even tankinis aren't allowed, btw) and then have to go through the humiliation of having some adult leader tell them it's not "appropriate", as if they're less of a person for bringing it along in the first place. Multiply that by 100 and you've got the same sort of environment they create at BYU. Some people go for that, but I certainly didn't as a kid and I don't feel comfortable enforcing those sorts of artificial standards.
2.) Some poor kid in the Stake (maybe even right now) is being pressured by their parents and/or youth leaders to attend, despite the fact that said kid really doesn't dig these sorts of group events and has better things to do. I know the leaders are trying to put on a good event, but parents and some leaders take it a bit far. They judge the "righteousness" of kids by their willingness to participate. Of all the things that really gets me about the situation, this one is the worst of the worst. I guess I grew up in a different era, but my parents let me decide whether or not I wanted to go and then helped me stand by that decision. I know parents can freak out about their kids, but forcing them to attend something like this is far more likely to damage (or kill) their developing spirituality than help it.
3.) Waaaaayyyyy overprogrammed. It's beach camping, for goodness' sakes, not an Amway seminar. We called my parents last night to talk about it and my dad said something that's too true -- the management gene runs strong in the Church. I think we've all experienced this; someone wants to plan every detail or they impose grandiose expectations on others who volunteer their time to help. I know I'm guilty of this on occasion (when our elder's quorum has a move I can be a bit of a task master), and I've tried to avoid over-managing like the plague. Because it is a plague -- it's the part of organized religion that, I think, people dislike the most. It's the idea that you can "manage" outcomes; if everything goes exactly according to plan then you'll get the expected result. Serendipity is a wonderful teacher -- there are all sorts of great opportunities in everyday life to experience things that the scriptures talk about. And, more importantly, is remembering that God's ways are higher than our ways. That often means the results don't align with what we expected. Rather, they're much better than we could have possibly achieved if we planned everything to death.
Anyways, I had to vent so there it is. We have some great people in our Stake who give a lot of time and effort to put these things on, and I don't want to lessen their contributions. But at the same time I think it's important for people to realize that we don't all experience spirituality in the same way, and that events like this aren't for everybody. We're still deciding if we want to go, but if going means strictly adhering to the rules and program then it's probably not our gig. I would never impose my will like that on my (coming sometime in the future) kids, and I definitely don't want to do it to someone else's kid.
CLARIFICATION-We are not saying that there is no need for a youth conference or that it is useless. Youth conference is probably a blast for some kids no doubt. We are however stating that neither of us did (as children) or do (as adults) prefer to attend events like this. Everyone is different.
Having fun at the Whole Earth Festival!
2 years ago
5 comments:
Dear Andrew, Only those who have spent time at BYU can say what it is actually like at BYU. I hope you end up going on the Youth Conference for your sake. BTW-it is Youth Conference, not a neighborhood beach campout; of course there are going to be lots of rules and scheduled items. Talk to you later. :) Zach
I don't think that you actually have to spend time at BYU to think that their rules about facial hair and visiting hours are ridiculous.
Some thrive in such a micromanaged environment and some don't. Neither is bad, it all comes down to preference and comfort level.
Sometimes it just takes one person to speak up, because most people are afraid to disagree with the implementation of something due to a confusion between actual doctrine on the one hand and non-doctrinal programs/activities/culture on the other. Most church leaders I've had have been really happy to have someone voice an alternate opinion of how something should take place. I had a bishop one time who I had heard was adding additional questions to his temple recommend interviews, so when I got to the interview I asked him about it directly and asked what the handbook said about adding questions. He was surprised that people were interpreting his discussions as additional interview questions, thanked me sincerely for bringing it to his attention, and assured me that only the standard questions held sway and that he would try to clarify that with people in the future. Of course sometimes you'll disagree with implementations, and then you support them to the extent that your conscience will allow (as the proposition 8 letter phrased it).
I'm thinking that the two-piece suit rule is possibly there simply because some of them are in fact way too revealing for anything good to be said about them and the only way the worst of them can be avoided is a one-piece rule. But I don't understand why the very modest 2-piecers are also banned --- my lack of understanding may have to do with my total lack of background in swimming suits generally!
To quote from a FAIR website article about how the temple endowment has changed over the years:
"Inasmunch as the Endowment was given of God through revelation and inspiration, God is perfectly capable of revealing and inspiring modifications to the Endowment according to the needs and understanding of the Lord's people, in order to more fully benefit them. That the presentation of the Endowment has evolved is more a testament to the active involvement of Deity in the spiritual life of His children than a once-given, forever-unchangeable rite whose deep meaning becomes lost as cultural changes render symbols once familiar into empty ciphers full of mystery and suspicion."(Source)
If this is true of the Endowment, then lesser cultural traditions in the Church are subject to much greater changes. As we grow and progress, all of the Church's programs that are not divinely appointed may be constantly modified, whether it be BYU's myriad rules (or even the purpose of those rules) or how events like Youth Conference are conducted. Those that are divinely appointed may change from time to time (as directed by the Prophet) as our understanding increases, as happens with the Endowment. In my view it's important that we vigorously discuss issues that make us feel uncomfortable, as opposed to sweeping them under the rug. That is part of how we grow. Paired with inspired leadership and faithful discipleship, that is how the Church grows.
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