Youth Conference

Heather and I have been asked to participate in our Stake's youth conference this year as "parents" (i.e., we'd be assigned to shepherd 12 kids through the experience). Yesterday we had a meeting about the whole affair, complete with to-the-minute itinerary and a long list of rules and regulations. Afterwards we both had headaches (mine ended up as a migraine), and while talking realized that neither of us would have attended anything like this when we were "youth" (the target age group here is 14-17). I spent a good part of my summers hiding from overzealous youth leaders and friends who tried to cajole me into attending these sorts of things. Here's why I ran away; from the looks of this one it's similarly threatening:

1.) Way too many rules, none of which actually have to do with developing or maintaining spirituality. For instance, the girls can't wear two-piece swimsuits, and the leaders are so bent on this that they're planning on taking a bunch of one-piece suits so those who violate the rule will have an option to wear something else. Heather doesn't even own a one-piece suit, and aside from the creepiness of having male adult leaders determining whether or not your swimsuit is appropriate, a person's spiritual well-being (and that of their neighbors) has little to do with what sort of swimwear you like. I can see it already; some poor recent convert girl (or someone who's been a member but has enlightened parents) is going to show up with a two-piece (even tankinis aren't allowed, btw) and then have to go through the humiliation of having some adult leader tell them it's not "appropriate", as if they're less of a person for bringing it along in the first place. Multiply that by 100 and you've got the same sort of environment they create at BYU. Some people go for that, but I certainly didn't as a kid and I don't feel comfortable enforcing those sorts of artificial standards.

2.) Some poor kid in the Stake (maybe even right now) is being pressured by their parents and/or youth leaders to attend, despite the fact that said kid really doesn't dig these sorts of group events and has better things to do. I know the leaders are trying to put on a good event, but parents and some leaders take it a bit far. They judge the "righteousness" of kids by their willingness to participate. Of all the things that really gets me about the situation, this one is the worst of the worst. I guess I grew up in a different era, but my parents let me decide whether or not I wanted to go and then helped me stand by that decision. I know parents can freak out about their kids, but forcing them to attend something like this is far more likely to damage (or kill) their developing spirituality than help it.

3.) Waaaaayyyyy overprogrammed. It's beach camping, for goodness' sakes, not an Amway seminar. We called my parents last night to talk about it and my dad said something that's too true -- the management gene runs strong in the Church. I think we've all experienced this; someone wants to plan every detail or they impose grandiose expectations on others who volunteer their time to help. I know I'm guilty of this on occasion (when our elder's quorum has a move I can be a bit of a task master), and I've tried to avoid over-managing like the plague. Because it is a plague -- it's the part of organized religion that, I think, people dislike the most. It's the idea that you can "manage" outcomes; if everything goes exactly according to plan then you'll get the expected result. Serendipity is a wonderful teacher -- there are all sorts of great opportunities in everyday life to experience things that the scriptures talk about. And, more importantly, is remembering that God's ways are higher than our ways. That often means the results don't align with what we expected. Rather, they're much better than we could have possibly achieved if we planned everything to death.

Anyways, I had to vent so there it is. We have some great people in our Stake who give a lot of time and effort to put these things on, and I don't want to lessen their contributions. But at the same time I think it's important for people to realize that we don't all experience spirituality in the same way, and that events like this aren't for everybody. We're still deciding if we want to go, but if going means strictly adhering to the rules and program then it's probably not our gig. I would never impose my will like that on my (coming sometime in the future) kids, and I definitely don't want to do it to someone else's kid.

CLARIFICATION-We are not saying that there is no need for a youth conference or that it is useless. Youth conference is probably a blast for some kids no doubt. We are however stating that neither of us did (as children) or do (as adults) prefer to attend events like this. Everyone is different.